After the Breakup: Healing, Letting Go, and Moving On

In the beginning, she only drove by her ex-boyfriend’s house once a day, then it was twice a day.  The breakup had been painful and quite one-sided. When she began picking up her daughter after school, she changed her route and it became 3 times a day.  That was when she called me.  She was happily married but still felt anger, resentment and anxiety about what her ex might be up to.  Could I help her stop obsessing over her ex and not need to drive by several times a day?  Yes, I could. As we worked together through a series of hypnotherapy sessions she was able to uncover and better understand the roots of her obsessive habit and she let go of the feeling of wanting to know what her ex was doing.  She was relieved, happy, and ready to get on with her own life.

Breakups, whether from a dating relationship or a marriage, can be emotionally and physically taxing experiences. In this article, I explore the depths of post-breakup challenges and how hypnotherapy techniques can aid you in healing, letting go, and moving forward in your life. From understanding the nature of interpersonal relationships to addressing the psychological and physical aftermath of a breakup, we uncover the transformative power of hypnotherapy in facilitating the journey towards recovery and emotional well-being.

Understanding Interpersonal Human Relationships:

Interpersonal relationships are dynamic connections between individuals, characterized by mutual understanding, communication, and shared experiences. Dating relationships involve romantic connections, while marriage relationships signify deeper commitments and shared life paths.

Defining Characteristics of Dating and Marriage Relationships:

• Dating Relationships are defined by mutual attraction, companionship, and shared interests. They typically involve less commitment compared to marriage, allowing for more flexibility and exploration.

• Marriage Relationships are marked by legal and emotional commitment, shared goals, and life partnership.  They often involve deeper levels of intimacy, trust, and long-term planning.

Breakup statistics in America:

According to recent studies, approximately 40-50% of marriages in the United States end in divorce. Breakup rates in dating relationships vary, with factors such as age, duration, and commitment level influencing the likelihood of separation.

Common Reasons for Breakups: Couples may break up for a single reason or a combination of several problems that the relationship just can’t seem to overcome. Some of the more prevalent reasons for breakups are:

• Communication breakdown and conflict.

• Infidelity and trust issues.

• Incompatibility in values or life goals.

• · Financial stress and disagreements.

• Emotional neglect or abuse.

• Substance abuse or addiction issues.

• Growing apart or loss of attraction.

Top 10 Issues and Problems that You May Experience After a Breakup:

1. Emotional pain and grief.

2. Loss of identity and self-esteem.

3. Anxiety and depression.

4. Social isolation and loneliness.

5. Anger and resentment towards the ex-partner.

6. Fear of future relationships or commitment.

7. Financial strain and instability.

8. Physical symptoms such as sleep disturbances or appetite changes.

9. Obsessive thoughts and rumination.

10. Difficulty letting go of memories or possessions associated with the relationship.

Importance and Benefits of Getting Help:

When a client comes to me after a breakup they are often wrestling with a variety of difficult psychological and physical issues. In one way or another they are in pain, suffering and struggling to heal, let go and move forward in their life. Seeking professional support after a breakup can significantly aid in the healing process. Therapeutic intervention provides a safe space for you to process the emotions, gain insights, and develop coping strategies to navigate the challenges of separation.

Hypnotherapy Techniques for Healing, Letting Go, and Moving On

1.      Positive Affirmations: Instill self-compassion, confidence, and resilience, reinforcing a positive self-image and outlook on the future.

2.      Visualization and Guided Imagery: Create mental imagery of releasing emotional baggage and embracing a fresh start, promoting inner peace and acceptance.

3.      Anxiety Reduction Techniques: Address anxiety and stress associated with the breakup, facilitating relaxation and emotional stability.

4.      Ego Strengthening: Build inner strength and self-reliance, empowering individuals to overcome feelings of vulnerability and dependency.

5.      Goal Setting and Motivation Enhancement: Define personal goals and aspirations post-breakup, fostering a sense of purpose and direction.

6.      Forgiveness Work: Facilitate forgiveness towards oneself and the ex-partner, releasing bitterness and resentment to make room for healing.

How These Techniques Work

Hypnotherapy techniques work by accessing the subconscious mind, where deep-seated beliefs, emotions, and patterns are stored. By tapping into this realm, you can reframe negative thought patterns, process unresolved emotions, and cultivate inner resources for healing and growth. Through guided therapeutic interventions, you can embark on a transformative journey towards emotional liberation and renewed self-discovery.

Navigating life after a breakup can be a daunting journey filled with emotional upheaval and uncertainty. However, with the support and guidance of a professional hypnotherapist, you can find solace, healing, and ultimately, the resilience to embrace new beginnings and forge a brighter future ahead.

If you are considering working with me as your hypnotherapist, I am available for a free 30 minute consultation for new clients. Please call me at 818-929-4944 or go to cindaroffman.com to book a free consultation.

Sincerely,

Cinda

HypnoNews and Resources

The article below is a fascinating and informative research report entitled “Making Sense and Moving On: The Potential for Individual and Interpersonal Growth Following Emerging Adult Breakups”. The study involved 160 participants, ages 20- 25. It assesses the key aspects of romantic relationship dissolution in emerging adulthood as predictors of future mental health.

 https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6051550/

 For a broad global perspective on breakup statistics including dating and marriage relationships and the variety of factors that influence these breakups, please see the following:

 https://www.allohealth.care/healthfeed/sex-education/relationship-breakup-statistics

Freedom from Negative Habits - Tapping - Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT)

What if there were a simple, easy technique that you could do in your own home to get rid of a behavior, a feeling or a craving?  EFT could be that for you.

I was first introduced to Emotional Freedom Technique, EFT, or tapping when I was a student at Hypnosis Motivation Institute (HMI).  The demonstrations were amazing!  A woman who had craved chocolate her entire life suddenly was not interested in the least.  I was curious – how to change, in a few minutes, how you viewed something you have loved your whole life.

Fast forward to last week.  I continue to struggle with maintaining a healthy weight.  I decided to try tapping on not eating carbs.  Low and behold I went to a lunch networking event and looked at the rolls and potatoes like they were foreign objects and definitely not something I would ever eat.  Dessert? Not a chance, I didn’t even check it out to see what it was.  It can be an amazing tool and I was reminded to use it with my clients.

What is tapping? 

Tapping works with the body’s energy system – the meridians that carry electrical impulses throughout the body.  These meridians were first used (and are still used) in acupuncture and acupressure.  We tap on the end-points of the meridians while repeating a problem statement (eg. My addiction to carbs). In acupuncture, you are needled on a specific point for a specific problem. In tapping, we just tap on all the upper body meridians and assume that one will be the correct meridian.  Tapping is part of a group of therapies called ENERGY PSYCHOLOGY, because they are believed to affect the body’s electromagnetic energy fields.

Where does it come from?

A psychologist, Dr. Roger Callahan, discovered tapping by accident while working with a client with a water phobia.  When she complained that her stomach hurt, he tapped under her eyes, the end point of the stomach meridian, and her stomach pain and water phobia went away.  This discovery was used by Gary Craig to expand tapping and come up with a simple system that can be used by anyone. Gary has had great success with Vietnam Vets with PTSD.  When they tell their stories while tapping the emotional intensity of the stories goes from 10 to 1 or zero.

How do you do it?

We begin by creating a setup statement: “Even though I have this addiction to carbs, I deeply and completely love and accepts myself.” At first, this negativity bothered me – shouldn’t we be focusing on the positive? I was listening to Nick Ortner’s broadcast during the 14th Annual  Tapping World Summit.  He runs Tapping World and is now a leader in the field.  He had the same question about the setup statement and he asked Louise Hay why we start with a negative. We know Louise Hay was all about positive affirmations (as am I) and I was intrigued to hear her answer.  She wisely said “If you want to clean the house, first you have to see the dirt.”

Tapping works on the theory that our unresolved negative emotions are major contributors to most physical pain, disease and anxiety. The cause of all negative emotions is a disruption in the body’s energy system.

We were trained to be negative from the earliest times.  Those who survived were the ones who were watching the bushes for any suspicious activity, were there tigers in the bushes? – those blithely playing in the open did not survive.

I usually do a session with my clients and then give them the recipe so they can do it whenever they want.  And when I say do a session with my clients, I tap along with them so they don’t feel silly – at first it can seem an odd thing to be doing.

Sound interesting? Give me a call 818-929-4944 to set up a session and I will teach you how to do EFT your way or join my free Hypnotherapy Q & A every Wednesday at 10 am PST.

You can register here.

https://zoom.us/meeting/register/tJ0lfu6trjIvGNZ8XkMGblRSB97cmXEKVT6p

Sincerely,

Cinda

HypnoNews and Resources

Here are some articles with more information about EFT-tapping:

From WEB MD, What is EFT tapping? 

https://www.webmd.com/balance/what-is-eft-tapping

From Medical News Today, A Guide to EFT tapping,

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/326434

Three Core Coping Strategies for Holiday Stress

Welcome to the ‘December’ holiday season!  This time of year can bring opportunities for fun and joy. But for many of us the bundle of events from Thanksgiving through New Year’s Day raises our stress to uncomfortable, even unhealthy levels.

Holiday season stress triggers vary from one individual to another. Some of the more common situations might include:

• Gift shopping pressure, shortages, budget challenges, inflation ·        

• Traveling to holiday destinations

• Loneliness, spending holidays away from those you love

• Obligations to plan/host parties and get-togethers

• Social pressure to overindulge in food and drink

• Conflicts with family members

When I work with a client on managing stress, we focus on their particular situation and triggers. However, I teach every stress management client about the three core coping strategies that everyone can use.

1.      Take a moment and think about what is important to you during the holidays.  What makes the holidays the most meaningful?  Is it finding the perfect present, appreciating the spiritual meaning of the holiday for you, cooking gifts for family and friends, or celebrating being together with your family?  Whatever you decide, make this your focus.  You may want to sit down with family and friends and let them know what your focus will be this holiday if it is different than usual.

2.       Practice self-care. Plan time in your schedule for a massage, bubble bath or simply relaxing.  Find a like-minded friend to do something special with.

3.       Ask for help.  If you are overwhelmed because you are the designated host for events, include others in the planning process and encourage them to volunteer to help decorate, cook, clean-up, wrap presents, etc.  They will enjoy being asked to participate.

If you keep an Affirmations Journal as part of your daily practice, you may also want to add some holiday season specific affirmations. Here are some samples to consider:

• I plan and focus on what is important to me this holiday

• I take care of myself by communicating my needs to others

• I willingly ask for and accept help  

For more information about how to cope with holiday season stress, please give me a call (818-929-4944) to schedule a free consultation or join us any Wednesday on my Hypnotherapy Q and A. You can register here..

https://zoom.us/meeting/register/tJ0lfu6trjIvGNZ8XkMGblRSB97cmXEKVT6p

Happy Holidays!

Sincerely,

Cinda

HypnoNews and Resources

Dr. Haqqani talks more about how holiday stress can affect us:

https://www.ourmidland.com/opinion/voices/article/Dr-Haqqani-The-impact-of-holiday-stress-16645608.php

From the Heart Association, more ideas for coping:

https://www.heart.org/en/healthy-living/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/holiday-stress-try-our-top-5-tips-for-a-healthy-holiday-season

New Year Reflections? The Reflection Framework and Hypnotherapy - 6 Key Questions

The Jewish High Holy Days concluded last week.  Rosh Hashanah is the Jewish New Year.  For the 10 days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, we reflect on what we did in the past year, ask forgiveness for our missteps, and set intentions for doing better in the year to come.

The process is somewhat like the initial session that you would experience as a new hypnotherapy client. We begin by reflecting and identifying change goals, move to prioritizing the key issue or change that you want to make and then set the intention to transform your life for the better with your therapists guidance and help.

The last six months have been a unique time in our world.  How did you handle yourself?  Were you thoughtful and caring of others?  Were you able to take advantage of the extra time you had at home with your family?  Did you use the time to learn more about a topic you always wanted to explore?  Did you find ways to grow your business even in these difficult times?

It looks like we will be operating in pandemic mode for a while yet. How’s your mental state? Are you nervous? Are you depressed?  Do you need to connect with friends more? Now could be a great opportunity to reflect and set some intentions to make your life better while still staying safe and healthy?

A framework that I have found useful for reflection consists of these 6 key questions:

1.      What have I been thinking and feeling over the last 6 months since the pandemic began?

2.      What am I thinking and feeling today?

3.      What  do I want to be thinking and feeling when the pandemic is over for me

4.      What have I been doing over the last 6 months since the pandemic began

5.      What am I doing today?

6.      What do I want to be doing when the pandemic is over for me?

Set aside 20 minutes for reflection. Find a quiet, comfortable, place where will not be interrupted. Work through the 6 key questions in order. Record your thoughts in a journal or notebook, type them in your computer, or even record them on your cell phone.

Now go back and take a look at differences between what you have been thinking, feeling and doing over the last 6 months and what you want to be thinking, feeling and doing in the future.

You do not have to wait. You can begin the transformation you want now. If you would like some help, please call for a free private online video consultation. 818-929-4944

How to Choose the Right Hypnotherapist For You

As part of my training to become a hypnotherapist, I had to choose a mentor.  All the teachers at HMI were available as mentors, it was part of their job as teachers.  I took a while to decide.   When I finally did, I chose Cheryl because she was the teacher I could most closely relate to.  We are about the same age, she had had another career before becoming a hypnotherapist and she genuinely liked helping others.  I liked how she treated her students, her calm, gentle manner was very inviting.

Personal transformation is a common goal these days.  Changing what you think and what you do can bring about transformation.  Sounds simple but it is not that easy to achieve.  A hypnotherapist can help by accessing your subconscious mind (80% of your mind) and helping you to focus it on your conscious goals.  This makes achieving those goals much easier.          

How do you choose the best hypnotherapist for you?  Here some items to consider:

• Where did they go to school? How long was the training?

There are many “hypnotherapy schools” some offering a certificate in as short a time as a weekend. Hypnosis Motivation Institute, where I went to school is a yearlong program with almost 800 instructional hours, including an internship program.  It includes classes on counselling as well as an introduction to many different modalities.

• What additional training do they have?

I am trained and certified in many different techniques and areas:  Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP), Therapeutic Imagery, Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), Weight Management, Coping with Loss, Hypnotherapy for Clients with Cancer, Preparing for Surgery, PTSD, Sports Performance, Fears and Anxieties, Smoking Cessation, and Hypnosis and the Special Needs Child.

• What is their certification? 

I am a certified hypnotherapist, certified by Hypnotherapist Union of the AFL/CIO #472.  I am on the board of the Union and we are very careful to only certify hypnotherapists who have extensive training.  We have a code of ethics and continuing education requirements.

• What is their specialty?

While I do see clients for a variety of issues, I specialize in weight management, anxiety, insomnia, test preparation and sports performance.

• How are they rated on Yelp, Google and LinkedIn? 

Ratings can be an important tool with objective ways to rate performance. 

• What is their website like? Does it include testimonials, areas of experience and a blog?

Again, one more tool to help you understand more about the person you are choosing.

• Do they offer a free consultation?

Choosing a hypnotherapist is a very personal decision.  Getting the chance to know, like and trust them before engaging with them is important.  You want to be able to relate to the person you will be working with.  Are they able to listen and really hear what you are saying?

If you would like to talk about working together, call now to arrange for a free, private, online video consultation - 818-929-4944.